The Mulletfesto

An introduction

Home affairs and the Mullet:

Here is our action plan for a safer, better world:

Crime and Punishment:
A firm crackdown on people with non Mullet haircuts - Skinheads to be targeted most, with police given new powers to imprison and if neccessary restyle the hair of any citizen without a Mullet.
We believe that dangerous haircutting instruments such as scissors and shavers should be heavily controlled. We propose that only licensed vendors should be able to distribute such threatening material.
We believe that to return pride and respect to our nation's police, we should only promote people following the strictest SFLB (short front long back policy)



VoteMullet's Foreign Policy:
VoteMullet embraces foreigners as long as they fufill the membership credentials. Our strongest links are with the United States as they invented the Mullet, and in this beautiful country of Ape Drapes the 80s never quite died. In Texas, for example, Mullets can be seen everywhere - therefore this particular state has a strong allegiance with VoteMullet. Also the US gave us BUTTROCK!!! This kindly gift means America will always be loved by the members of VoteMullet.
Australia too has a special place in VoteMullet's combined hearts. After all, who could show anything but love to a place that gave us a mullet pioneer in the shape of late 80s star Jason Donovan? VoteMullet also is an embracer of Europe, due to the fact that many countries such as Italy and Germany have a great number of citizens with proud neck-warming plumage.


VoteMullet and Education:
Here at VoteMullet we believe that education is the most important challenge facing any elected government. That is why we are abolishing the school nurses and dental visits, and replacing them with specialist hairdressers who will craft and shape your child's Mullet from an early age.
In addition to this, we aim to promote children who are achieving high mulletude ahead of lesser children. If we truly want a society where your haircut dicates your social status (which we feel everyone does) then this policy must be implemented across the board.
At VoteMullet we want to encourage able children. This is why we propose a scheme where particularly gifted youngsters are fast - tracked to courses in the following: Hairdressing, NASCAR racing, Demolition Derbies, Spousal Assault, Immigrant beating, The Mullitia, Guitar wankery and the BJAS (Bon Jovi Appreciation Society).


Policy on Sport:
We at VoteMullet promote certain sports but condemn others. As with many of our policies we feel that only those with Mullets should be permitted to participate in sports as a reward for their plumage. Therefore VoteMullet only promotes sports which have shown allegiance to the Mullet in the past. Our main sports focus will be on baseball, NASCAR racing and wrestling.
We will also promote football - but only after certain terms have been agreed with the governing bodies of the sport. VoteMullet proposes that football may continue if statues of Chris Waddle are erected at every single football ground worldwide. We feel this is appropriate as it will remind fans and players of the glorious late 80s and early 90s when Chris Waddle brought his beautiful plumage to the stadia of the world. We feel this policy may also persuade others to adopt a mullet similar to Waddle's.